So I’m a shut-in with a ton of problems and no money. My life revolves around World of Warcraft and Destiny 2 which is sad in its own right I’m sure. Anyway every single time I try to find a community (guild or clan) it goes to hell within a month or so. They always say I’m too negative about the game or my performance. No matter what I do/say it apparently always comes across as ‘negative’ and they see it as hurting their community. Funny enough these communities are always dead and I’m talking into a void trying to engage people.
Sorry I’m not sure why I’m posting this. Just had another group tell me I was getting kicked due to negativity and I’m so tired of it. I don’t have any friends, I’m always starting over from scratch and even if I try my hardest it still ends the same way. Don’t even feel that I’m being negative since I just say bugs me. Sorry. Feel like I could cry, because of everything, and I can’t even do that.
Been there, sort of. Lifelong depression does tend to make you “negative” and apparently some people hate that. NTs are not necessarily genius communicators who’ve worked at it a lot, it’s just that most people per definition tend to communicate their preferred/“natural” way. This means that whatever is pissing them off is a) not necessarily wrong, b) not necessarily what/why they think it is, and c) something you’ll likely have to work at whether you’re “in the wrong” or not.
Kinda depressing, eh?
Unfortunately, sometimes negativity is contagious - sharing something negative with someone is likely to worsen their mood. I won’t conjecture why that is - I can only really say that whenever people dump long lists of everything wrong with the world on me, I rarely feel great about it afterwards. Negativity is often warranted, usually realistic, sometimes funny in specific ways etc., but mostly it is still just negativity.
Try and be mindful about this: what are you communicating? Is the content or tone negative? Did you get onto a negative track from something more positive? It is not easy, but you could unironically put up a visible reminder. Don’t overdo the self-censoring either, though, that’s also not healthy.
Also, are you taking up a lot of space in the conversation relative to others? This can add some friction too if the disparity is big enough. I have been both the loud person (usually from boredom) and the person getting annoyed at someone individually being like 50% of a chat. One man’s dead chat is a reasonable level of activity for another, after all.
(All the above is personal experience - reasonably sure the buzzkill stuff is an actual thing but I wasn’t able to find a citation or anything.)
