I think that this video has helped me develop some insight on how to spot high-masking autism, not just among women. I found a lot of the material covered in the video relatable even though I am male. Maybe that has something to do with our elevated rejection of established gender roles as a whole. Regardless, I like how rather than listing concrete signs, he gave a list of patterns that would be common to masking autistic women (I believe all genders, really) in a manner that could still be easily noticed. This also helped me understand that the cause of some autistic traits are not fundamental, but rather a result of masking. 🤯
Aside from the signs of masking autism, the ending hit me emotionally. He validates something that no one has really validated for me. I’ve been told my entire life that I was too much, not enough, or purposely trying to violate rules and norms out of some moral or character failing. It’s like I wanted to be careless/offensive or a loser. However, when he covered how much effort we put into masking and that it takes a lot of energy to do, I felt a validation I don’t remember ever experiencing. It’s like someone said, “I believe you’re doing your best.”
He also elaborates on the impact of when we tell someone that we’re autistic or have difficulties in certain areas and they invalidate it by saying that we’re not autistic or that we function normally. He then posits that when we unmask, we need others to validate that experience. I think that statement was not only directed at us, but others that have autistic people in their lives. I plan on using that to guide who I continue to allow in my life. If I need to mask or am invalidated by someone when I unmask, then they’re not a good fit for me, so I will interact with them less.
Women with autism are often much better at masking because social expectation from a young age force them to hide it. Autism diagnosis in women are also often dismissed, as autism has typically been seen as a “boy affliction”.
I think women are specifically being addressed because many are forced to mask the hardest since they were very very young. Like “hey, women, I see you. You don’t need to mask. We see you.”
It’s almost like… a permission. And that can be nice sometimes.
Judging from the stories of autistic women who are in my life, as well as stories I’ve read online, there seems to also be the issue of being heard or taken seriously when attempting to get diagnosed or treated. This is on top of societal or gendered expectations which makes masking that much more of a challenge to maintain.
One of my closest friends had to stop seeing their therapist because she would leave her sessions crying and was only able to improve her mental health by refusing to visit that therapist again. Another really close friend had a doctor that kept prescribing the same medication to her even after stating multiple times at multiple visits that the medication was causing her suicidal thoughts.
In comparison, as a male myself, I was able to walk in, tell them why I thought I had ADHD and later autism and was able to walk about with prescriptions or a plan of action within the same visit.
I do think the the video spoke broadly enough that it could be informative about autism in general and could have added a bit more context to align the title with the video content.
Yes. Absolutely. It’s such a shit thing, isn’t it?
Like in the olden days, if women acted just a tad too “off”, they were dismissed with a diagnosis of “female hysteria”. Turns out, doctors are still doing that to this day, just quieter.
It’s agonizing. Doctors are a pain. I’ve been very lucky these past few years to finally have doctors who believe me (or maybe it’s because I’m older now…). I’ve had a click in my shoulder for decades, and it’s only being looked at now, when I’m almost 40.
I still can’t find mental therapy though, because my insurance is very bad and no therapist wants to deal with it.
