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If you don’t want to be called an incel, don’t blame your loneliness and lack of sex on anyone else. Everyone is lonely, it’s nobody’s fault unless you want to blame society as a whole which will get you nowhere. Continue to grow as a human and don’t stop trying to find new avenues of reaching out to others.
And most importantly, never expect someone to like you in any way, no one is obligated to you.
Everyone is lonely, it’s nobody’s fault unless you want to blame society as a whole which will get you nowhere.
I don’t see anything wrong with blaming society as a whole. There are definitely general problems with it at all times. Like in Nazi Germany or, say, Victorian England and any other time and place, each in its own way.
This phrase feels as if you are putting yourself on the place of “society” to feel strong and the person you are addressing on the place of somebody opposing it.
If they feel that too, then sure as hell they won’t listen to you if they have dignity.
And most importantly, never expect someone to like you in any way, no one is obligated to you.
This works both ways.
I don’t mean to put myself in the place of anything - I just meant that the better course of action is to find improvement rather than fault. It’s a situation where being able to put the blame on something does nothing to improve the situation. We’re lonely because there are too many people is all.
There’s a lot of people at fault for things in my life and if I worried about blaming them, I wouldn’t have had the time to get educated and grow as a human so that I could move past the things they are at fault, I was just trying to broaden that idea into something more general.
Ah. Then I’d say that dealing in blame is emotionally the wrong thing to do for long in any direction. Only dealing in duty and correctness is worse. Dealing in wishes and dreams is what helps me when I remember about attitude.
I’m not lonely.
Then this wasn’t intended for you.
*everyone is lonely"
I responded to a blanket statement that was categorically wrong.
You guys are missing my point. Im not talking about incels, I’m talking about people who just call all lonely guys incels. The way everyone is happily downvoting me when I say this are proving me right.
Sorry, I did miss the point. I’ve literally never seen it happen the way you describe it.
I have and experienced it (EDIT: on my own skin). Though admittedly any traumatic experience often makes you see things which aren’t there.
I am sorry you had to experience that, but it is very insightful and aware to know that your trauma would affect the perception. Most would gloss over that.
Not saying this about you specifically ( I don’t know if you have things about you that you don’t like), but people who have things they don’t like about themselves also have a tendency to see criticism and insults about that particular thing where there are none. Like I used to be really over weight, so anytime anyone made jokes about something being large or about pigs or cows, I would internalize that and assume it was about my fatness because I hated that about myself.
Yes, that second part is true.
Ah, about “insightful and aware” - I’ve just had lots of time stuck with most social interactions, especially romantic, after that trauma. So it’s not that I’m subtler than other people, it’s just that I’ve had ~12 years to try everything less insightful. (Just wanted to answer an undeserved compliment or something)
We are all talking about incels. Nobody here has a problem with lonely guys. I think you’re missing everyone else’s point.
Incels are called incels. Lonely guys are lonely guys. If you’re being called an incel, there’s a reason.
I can literally call you anything right now in this comment, and there’d be a reason.
That “no smoke without fire” thing is disgusting.
No one does that.
You really swung for the fences over somebody saying “calling all lonely men incels are bad.”
You ABSOLUTELY proved his point, this comment was so damn extra in relation to o what you replied to.
In my experience people aren’t calling lonely men incels, they’re calling men who are wholly unlikable who blame their loneliness and lack of sex on other people incels.
who are wholly unlikable
Well, I participate in such arguments because the only people wholly unlikable are those who are fine with calling others wholly unlikable.
Maybe I am, I really wouldn’t know (my husband would though). If I am I would deal with it iand improve myself nstead of blaming it on others.
I actually, if you want to know, do not blame somebody not liking me on them. I blame them for first pretending and then stopping to do that, when I’m on a track painful to leave. Or maybe for not making sufficiently clear what is good and bad in their opinion, so that I would know not to approach.
I would even be fine with the whole world hating me or not caring, bring them on. But when somebody seems to be of your tribe, but really turns out not to be that further down the road, that’s bad.
And since I’m making lots of effort to make my own specifics seen, so that wrong people wouldn’t like me, it’s even more depressing when they still make that mistake and waste my time and emotion on it.
In my experience, I JUST watched you call somebody an incel because they said not all lonely men are incels. 🤷
Where did I call anyone an incel?
