Sorry for another “Is this autism or normal human behavior?” Post.
There’s a long story as to why I am experiencing this again but it’s not really any more relevant then the title of this post.
For older folk it’s like that episode of the Simpsons where Lisa, out of pity, give Ralf Wiggim a valentines day card and he immediately starts invisioning a future with her as his romantic parter.
I’ve identified I have this same trait and I hate it. Looking back I’ve totally made people who had been nothing but kind to me uncomfortable and shut me out because of this.
Now knowing that I am doing this is at least making me a little more in control and hopfully less weird. But now I need to stop and asses every interaction I have which is itself awkward.
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When I imagine Ralph, I see an outsider who is avoided by the other children and ignored by the teachers, with a loving but somehow helpless father. …being lonely , not being part of the group, not understanding the rules of the world around him.
I think it has to do with the need for attention and closeness. When you lack it, you turn to the person who has already fulfilled this need for you. It’s hard to live with unfulfilled needs that you can’t fulfill yourself. I guess the key is to learn how to find a relationship where your feelings are reciprocated (and to find out when they are not). I know that feeling and I don’t have a solution.
I don’t know whether this is a characteristic that is more prevalent in autistic people.
Fair point. In past cases this had proven to be the case for me. Perhaps is a subtle single to myself that I need more friends, or I should consider dating again, or maybe just get a cat.
Over the past 10years or so a certain factor in my life had made some of these very difficult if not impossible to achieve. I am working to solve that so I may have the opportunity to try these things again.
If countering loneliness is the goal, a cat might be a fantastic idea. Pets in general can provide a more ‘universal’ and unconditional love then humans. I work with lots of different personalities through my work, and animal love almost transcends diversity in the sense that nearly all of those clients can accept and embrace the love animals give, either through pets, in the stable or on the farm.
