David is on that foreskillionaire grindset
If you grind foreskins, they become worthless. You have to polish them, by hand.
Worth the effort. I have a beautiful foreskin wallet.
Wallet becomes a briefcase with light rubbing.
Etsy link?
Also a lampshade would work out beautifully I assume
Just don’t polish each one more than 3 times, or else you’re playing with them.
Just wear socks
Says the person that never snorted threeskin, nevermind foreskin
better call saul
Me when collecting foreskins for my princess
From those foreskins, the king made a coat.
The Technocolor Peen Coat.
Which some 2000 years later found its way into Lady Gaga’s wardrobe.
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The quote from the new international version says he wanted revenge on his enemies. So it was just a revenge thing according to that passage.
To be fair, it says he killed 200 philistines, not that he collected 200 foreskins.
So half of them were probably women, and he was just disappointed with the droprate like a bad MMO quest.
Man this quest is just a oddly sexual quest that is just a thinly vailed grind quest but hey at least the xp gained is good
The other guy is David. King Saul would get super jelly of how popular David was getting (with all the foreskin collecting, I guess) and would eventually go on a murderous hunt for David and his men.
Also, Saul had a son, Johnathan. David and Johnathan have a lot of “no homo” moments.
First and Second Samuel and First and Second Kings. They’re a trip.
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This was actually a pretty standard way of recording the number killed in battle. You can see in the Libyan War inscriptions for Merneptah discussion of how they took wheelbarrows of dicks of the uncircumcised, and the more unusual part is the mention of taking the hands instead from the sea peoples who were “without horns” (generally understood to have meant they were without foreskins).
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It’s good to be the king.
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Always be hustling.
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I dunno. I used to look at a town in France where the neighbors came in, pillaged, raped, and killed such that bodies were left dismembered for ages as this little microcosm example of how far the world had come from the senseless barbarism of antiquity.
But literally just a few days ago we had mass killings, rapes, and dismemberment from one group going in and attacking their neighbors as brutally as they could. And that was on top of having already been rather upset after reading just months before about Russians torturing POWs by feeding barb wire up their rectums to slowly pull it out.
We still seem to be doing our best to be as fucked up as possible.
It’s just that the parts of society that aren’t fucked up have arguably come a much longer way than the parts of society not fucked up in antiquity. Which is pretty much the only bright side I can see anymore.
I think the parts of society that you are referring to that aren’t fucked up have just been able to distance themselves from reality- the upper middle class has the luxury of being unaware of everyday struggles and they seldom have opinions other than those shared by those who hold power. The Russians you refer to are terrible people but they’ve been indoctrinated with garbage. My point is that many people’s circumstances are just that- circumstances.
And they called the indians savage for taking scalps, smh.
I mean, to be fair, this was 3,000 years before that.
Though not like hyperviolence doesn’t happen anymore, even in ‘civilized’ militaries.
No, you see it’s OK if you shoot them from a mile away while looking through a filter that makes people into white silhouettes.
You’re only a savage if you kill women and children up close.
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- researchers use foreskins to test new cosmetics on.
- if you are in the cosmetic industry you’d want a good foreskin supplier.
This feels like the lead in to Ben Stiller saying, but why male models?
Any product that is applied to the hands or lips will eventually be in direct contact with a penis, one way or the other.
You don’t see many abordiginals with 200 foreskins
This is true. I used to work at a foreskin medical supply company. We would do massive shipments to various cosmetology companies, schools, and some hospitals.
this has got to be a shitpost
I’m going to choose to believe it is a shitpost.
In case anyone is wondering what the book is!
Oh, I see, good idea for a book!
Pretty sure the author started out on Reddit.
Atheism, famous for only starting on Reddit!
What I would like people to understand is that there is a difference between new atheism and Atheism. The latter is perfectly acceptable and is merely the state of disbelief in God, the former is being an obnoxious prick who makes disbelieving in “Sky Daddy” their only personality trait and finding contradictions in the bible while ignoring things like Allegory, Historical Context, and not taking into account alternative translation their only Hobby.
It’s the difference between me who might go to church just to have an excuse to get out of the house on a Sunday morning if at all what is more likely to just sleep in or play Mega Man Battle Network and the cheeto-dust covered incel who blames the existence of celibacy for how dry their dick is.
Remember that time when a guy at an atheist conference sexually assaulted a woman in an elevator, and Richard Dawkins just blamed her for not being grateful because “a Moose Lamb would have done worse!”
Or that time when he claimed because we are just our bodies and Souls can’t possibly exist, that trans people are obviously just the gender version of blackface?
I’d say there isn’t a single member of the Four Horsemen of new atheism who hasn’t made a clown out of themselves, and I would be completely correct. Anyone who has ever seen a proper debunking Christopher Hitchens’ Hell’s Angel… a book where he claims that that which can be submitted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence, while ironically making several basis claims about Mother Teresa and using fake quote attributed to Thomas Aquinas who wasn’t even alive at the same time as Mother Teresa…
Will tell you that Christopher Hitchens is not free from embarrassment just because he happened to die sooner than the others.
So what new atheist speaker do I recommend? Well none of them really. most of them have ties to the far right, Sam Harris and Jordan Peterson might as well be connected the hip.
Instead of going out to find arguments from people who think they are so smart because they noticed that there is no God, ( you know something that is as easy to figure out as wondering why abuse children don’t get assigned guardian angels or the fact that people who pray for healing never seem to regrow limbs or anything else that should literally be possible without a miracle) just do what science would do, simply ignore claims that require evidence but don’t have any.
I wish there was a god, I feel like the world needs magic and mystery, but there isn’t an ounce of it to be found.
Edit: I’m being downvoted eh? So the Reddit Atheists have jumped ship
I wish there was a god, I feel like the world needs magic and mystery, but there isn’t an ounce of it to be found.
Dude, have you even looked at the universe. It’s fucking amazing. Why would you want to cheapen it with magic? That’s just sad.
Because my friends are dead and in a universe with Magic, I actually get to see them again.
Gotta love corpse genital mutilation to be awarded a human being
Ah yes, where Saul traded his daughter for a bag of dicks!
This seems like the kind of book to finally have an appropriate number of animal and human corpses bobbing around in the water around Noah’s ark. Such a great story to decorate baby’s bedroom with!
For you and your baby!
Er mah Gerd!!!
What’s your favourite quote and illustration from the book? Please share!
This one is my favorite. As a child I held a fascination for unicorns, and insisted that they were real since they were in the Bible, which was supposed to be all Truth, “God’s Word”. I questioned too much, to remain in that sort of Christian framework past childhood, but I absolutely find amusement in a book such as this!
Thanks! So unfair to the unicorns. They didn’t do anything.
Wait wtf unicorns are canon in bible? TIL
🥺😢😭🦄💖💔
Meanwhile, Israeli
tes are still collecting foreskins in Gaza…It’s one of the weird cognitive dissonances that I grew up with from the Christian church as a kid. They would say these things so casually, but then refuse to talk about sex or bodies. It’s just… bizarre. And took some unpacking and unlearning to get to a healthy place about bodies.
Why is body related violence so casually referred to, even in children’s books, but then they try to breeze past the weird sex stories in there at the same time.
It was just… weird. It’s still weird. I can’t help but shake my head and thank my lucky stars I got out of there when I did, right at the beginning of adulthood.
Sorta like how everybody in America is totally fine showing kids movies where the characters violently fight and die, but God forbid they see a bare breast (like they fed on as babies).
I guess the nature of seeing breasts in movies is sexual/male gazey, and therefore not super appropriate for children. But yes, neither is extreme violence.
Oh pls I suckled on the teat of the milk gun like all good Americans
Just trying to visualize a milk gun is it a water gun filled with milk or a normal gun that has tits that lactate
Por que no los dos
Wouldn’t you like to know librul. You’ll never take my milk guns away!
And God forbid that there be any implication that anyone is gay, or else we’re going to have to illegally sanction Disney again.
Same reason that jokes about prison rape is acceptable to virtually everyone: it’s happening to someone who “deserves” it.
Pretty fucked up.
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It is more of an American phenomenon than a religious one. We’re definitely a culture of “Spit in my face all you want, but don’t you dare walk on the grass.”
It is a community where children can straight up watch the most brutal horror movies of all time as long as there isn’t too much swearing or gayness.
It’s cognitive dissonance because we live in 2023 and not in biblical times. The bible is a collection of stories, written by mortal men, that seek to justify certain behaviors as “sanctioned by God”. Like, why the fuck would we need to teach children about murdering hundreds of people for their dick skin? Or teach children that rape is okay as long as you marry your victim? It’s because people did this shit and wanted to get away with it. The OT is literally “rules for thee and not for me”.
I always thought it was weird that they temporarily cut the skin off of their forehead until I was nineteen and wondered why I had a line on my genitals where the color suddenly changed. Turns out I had been circumcized as an infant.
I love this interpretation.
200 foreskins?! Try not to find any foreskins on the way through the parking lot!
Honestly, that seems low. I used to collect foreskins when I was a kid and I had twice that many. I bet his weren’t even autographed.
“To Flying Squid, stay in school!”
-Dick Hurtz
Still not nearly enough foreskin for a proper coat. You have to make it longer than usual because it tends to shrink in cold weather.
I was thinking a wallet, but if you rub it, it turns into a suitcase.
IN A ROW!!?
Why did he need to kill them to get their foreskins?
would you have given yours up freely?
Fair point
200 Slightly dulled points
In a sense, he didn’t! In fact the context of the story is that they couldn’t be converted (which is why they still had foreskins), and had he successfully converted them, they would have given up their foreskins as part of the process. But since they refused to convert, he “converted” them anyway. Either way, a W for daddy king over there, and also a partial genocide for David. The guy really fell off after the thing with the giant.
Because if he didn’t they wouldn’t be foreskins, they would be beforeskins.
I don’t think asking nicely would work
foreskinshadowing
