It can look like nothing’s going on behind those eyes. But there is. It just doesn’t leave the body the same way.

I love this question, thanks. Would you consider reposting in AskLemmy, maybe? Or would that attract too much bullshit into this community?

I really hope more people will answer this, it’s very helpful for me. I’ve isolated myself more than usually lately, and have let my anti-social autism bits take over. So in real-life company I’m … not good company currently. It used to be better before I went into hiding for 3y, and I’m ready and would like to start reconnecting with people again. Knowing about other peoples’ experiences really supports this step. So NT person, if you are here and not sure if you should answer, please do.

Having bridged both worlds, here’s how they are viewed as described by a few people that stuck with me all these years.

The first one I “go to thought” was more than one person is “awkward.” Some even describing them “out of step, socially.” Imagine a clock that is running fast or slow, but you have mentally compensated because generally, you can adapt depending on other clues. But they are always off, and you might have to warn others ahead of time.

Another comment was how autistic personalities are in that “uncanny valley of behavior” where people notice something is off, and it can be frightening but they are not sure why. Since autism is a spectrum of behaviors, which approach depends subjectively on the viewer. Kids, for example, can target autistic kids, and because they are developing socially, will group in “us” and “not us.” Autistic kids are “not us,” and the target of bullying. A lot of teachers know autistic kids just by how they are treated by others. “You’re too weird,” was something a lot of kids might say with developing language skills. The may not know WHY they hate a certain kid, but know that they DO. And “something is wrong.”

Personally, I see autism as some kind of evolutionary response to a civilization that is growing faster that humans can compensate. In order to get actual insight, one has to be “out of step,” lest they just end up trapped in the normal static of everyday compulsion. Like any other evolutionary advance, nature is “trying out” various things. Most will lead to dead ends. A few will adapt in other ways, and some will flourish in a new niche with new types of diversity. I have no proof of this, but I think it’s more than “well, we define autism differently now.” Yes, there were always people who were “touched by fae” or whatever convention was explained back in the day, but something has really changed. I personally think this and gender fluidity is a positive sign of things to come.

I’m not normal, but I don’t think I have autism. I might be prejudiced based on what I think autism looks like and there could be many people who don’t fit this description. I find people pleasers who go out of their way to try to smooth over every little issue to be very challenging to deal with. They create pressure to reassure them under the threat of emotional self harm in blaming themselves.

A lot of autistic people tend to stand out in ways that aren’t always easy to describe, but they’ll often have problems like hair that’s too long or not maintained. A “neckbeard” that’s never trimmed or trimmed short using a guide. They also wear dirty or damaged clothes.

I had a white autistic employee who got bullied for being a virgin and eventually got fired for attendance after calling out repeatedly because of it. Then he went on a rant and started blatantly calling the other employees the n-word without actually saying it. It created a bad association.

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“look like” in what sense?

At work they can sometimes be a bit overexcited to see me, I don’t mind, but can sometimes feel a bit awkward when it’s a bit more attention than I want.

Speaking as autistic about how i perceive others perceiving me. I have an above average and rather specific social awareness (not skill) so i so pick allot up.

People are unique and come in all flavors and types but in general i can categorize them as below from best to worst.

• Is unknowingly neurodivergent with their own challenges and can work easily with me. To them i am just normal.

• Is an NT with knowledge about the spectrum, they treat me like i am normal and otherwise look away or whisper a explicit hint, sometimes ask extra questions to make sure all is good and clear.

• average NT, will start treating me like normal but by every strangeness they witness will become more skeptical about my intelligence and performance. After learning i am on the spectrum some will either slowly become NT with knowledge or they will start avoiding me.

• Narcist NT, does not care, either someone is a useful tool or you are an obstacle, sometimes both. In that way they treat us the same as NT’s except if there is early Miscommunication they move you to the discard pile very quickly

For kids: People will bully you for being different, avoid you to not also get bullied or they are already your best friend.

I don’t think I’ve ever “clocked” an autistic person. I’m not very perceptive with social cues, though.

I don’t know any autistic people in my life, which is statistically unlikely, so I guess I just don’t notice.

I really only know when it’s on the heavier end of the spectrum, and generally those people come across as tense/on edge and incredibly serious.

I am friends with an autistic person, and all I see is a slightly awkward guy. Which is totally fine to me because I am super awkward myself so that probably has little to do with his autism. We like to talk about our shared interests. He is more like me than different, even though I am ‘NT’.

Like normal people with more quirks. I will say that experience has lead me to believe that sometimes those quirks require a bit more patience/tolerance in extended company.

I’m friends with an autistic guy who’s very good at what he does and we share some interests, but he tries too hard to talk about what he wants to talk about and unfortunately it’s pushing others away.

People. Just people.

i think it’s tricky to get a blanket reading because autism can look so dramatically different from one person to the next. i was diagnosed last year (AuDHD) and have since been learning how varied autism can be across different demographics and comorbidities. when i’m stressed, overworked, and/or overloaded, i tend to withdraw to trigger my hyperfocus. a recent new hire in my department who is pretty clearly also autistic has been driving me nuts because when he is stressed, overworked and overloaded, he tends to try to control everything around him with a hyperfocus on what everyone else is doing, instead of focusing on his own work. to the NT’s in the group, i doubt they would think to put him and myself in the same category.